#never thought I'd end up liking them so much

[goooofy-goooober1121]

Holaaa podrías escribir sobre los saja boys? te ellos con miedo a los truenos y relámpagos en un día lluvioso, y tienes que ayudarlos, con cada uno por separado?

YESSS I CAN HEHEHEHEHE (•̀ᴗ•́ )ゞ

Ask translation: "Could you write about the Saja Boys? They're afraid of thunder and lightning on a rainy day, and you have to help them, with each one separately?"

NOTE: Apart from Jinu (though I did give his little sister a name), I'm going to use my headcanon characterizations for the rest of the boys because we unfortunately did not get a lot of them in the movie. These can be found here!

**CW**: Vomit!!!! It's only for a second and because Baby eats too much candy lol

Requests Are Open Here!

Reblogs and Comments are always appreciated!

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Scared of Storms

Ft. Jinu, Abs, Romance, Mystery, and Baby <3

Jinu

Loser trapped in a hot body

Acts all mature like "dude it's just a storm. I've been through worse" and subsequently shits his pants when lightning strikes outside

I'm sure a part of him is reminded of his family back when he was a human and their living conditions

Being that they were super poor I don't imagine that they had a lot of reinforcement to keep the rain out of their home

So I think he probably regresses into "what can I do to make things feel safe" mode.

You find him in his room, wrapped up in his blanket like he's the fish in a sushi roll

he'll insist he's there because he's cold and for no other reason

Please stick around him he'll feel so much better

Might drag you into the blanket with him tbh

If you get him comfortable enough he'll probably open up a little like "yeah lol we used to do this when we were too impoverished to afford repairs to our roof"

He'll probably make some stupid joke to deflect afterwards lmao

He's such a dork

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"When my sister Eunji and I were young, my family didn't have the money to fix the leaks in our roof."

Jinu's hands squeezed your sides beneath the soft blanket he had wrapped around the two of you. The lights were dim and you were warm, pressed to his chest like he was the world's most comfortable pillow.

"I didn't want her getting sick," he continued softly, "so we played a game. Until the storm ended, we would find as many blankets as we could and wrapped ourselves tight in them. I'd tell her we were caterpillars, and we had to stay in our cocoons until we turned into butterflies-- until the storm was over. Whoever found the most blankets turned into the prettiest butterfly of them all."

He laughed, a little sad, a little fond.

"I always let her win. I never liked thunder but neither did she-- so I left the thicker ones for her so she'd feel safer."

You tucked your head beneath his chin. "You're a good brother."

Jinu paused, opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again.

A moment of silence passed between the two of you. His arms curled tighter around you at the distant growl of thunder.

"Hey." he nudged you with his knee. "How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?"

Despite yourself, you smiled. "How?"

"He felt it in his bones," Jinu answered, seriously and sincerely.

You stared at him, eyebrows raised.

He stared back, eyes wide and searching for a reaction.

The silence was loud until he broke it with an awkward cough.

"What? I thought it was funny."

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Abs Saja (Kang-Dae)

oh he's EMBARRASSED.

He's got that attitude of "i'm big and strong and NOT! AFRAID! OF! THUNDER!"

and then screams at the first rumble of thunder

He really hates being afraid of it. He never liked being scared-- it makes him feel powerless and weak (which he does NOT want to go back to being).

He builds a lot of his identity about being strong and confident and when he can't be that, he doesn't know what to do with himself

So honestly? He sits on the couch and toughs it out

You find him very solemnly sitting there, fingers digging into the couch cushions, trembling from head to toe and jumping with every flash of lightning and crash of thunder (poor baby)

Gives you the wobbliest "yeah I'm fine" when you ask if he's okay

Will NOT move from his spot. Says he's "meditating to the rain because mind and body should be equally balanced" (he is lying through his teeth and quoting one of those wellness influencer instagram posts)

So your best bet is to sit next to him and help him tough it out

Brags about how "this storm ain't shit" and immediately grabs your hand when two seconds later, thunder shakes the whole building

Just let him tough it out he needs it to keep his pride

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"Kang-Dae? You okay?"

"O-Of course I am."

Kang-Dae was not okay. He sat with his back straight as a rod, body stiff as a board, in the middle of the couch; his legs were tense, his feet dug holes into the carpet, and his fingers gripped the cushions so tightly that their seams were bursting. He gave you a shaky, dubiously confident smile. "What, you think I'm scared of a little--"

Lighting flashes outside. He flinches.

"--rain?" he wheezes out. "Nah. Nah, I'm good. I'm great. I'm meditating. You know, 'a healthy mind lives in a healthy body'. Rain sounds are a part of my new exercise regimen."

You stand there for a moment, looking him up and down before frowning. "Want me to sit with you?"

"Sit with me?" he laughed, though sweat beaded at his brow. "C'mon. You think I need you to sit with me? What gave you that idea? This storm is weak."

Then comes the thunder. It crashes into the air loud and angry, as if the storm is yelling at Kang-Dae for insulting it; the building itself shakes from the force of it and he yelps, tears an accidental hole in the couch, and gives himself a cramp in his back from how suddenly his muscles tightened.

"Okay yes please but only because you should meditate, too."

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Romance Saja (Seo-Jun)

In contrast to Kang-Dae? He does NOT mind showing that he's scared.

Uses it as a way to get your attention

"Noooo don't leave I'm scared of the thunder, see? If only someone would come comfort me... someone a lot like you... haha jk... unless?"

Clingy to the max.

Will hold onto you and never let go. It's a problem.

Is more afraid of being left behind than he is of the actual storm tbh

Don't get me wrong, he for sure is shaking all over and jumps at every glimpse of lightning

But he for sure knows that being left alone to feel like nobody cares to comfort him will make things worse

He felt the panic and sadness that rejection and emotional abandonment brought him before and would rather die than feel it again

Subtly prods at you trying to figure out why you agreed to be the one to comfort him because he needs reassurance that you're being kind for the right reasons

That being said... he will not let you go even after the storm ends.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"Seo-Jun."

"Yes, my love?"

"My legs are falling asleep."

Seo-Jun held you like you might just disappear. He had wrapped himself around you like he wanted to fuse into your body, long legs tangled with yours and arms clamped tightly around your middle. You felt his body shake and heard the quiet whimpers that left him at each crash of thunder and lightning, but not for a moment did he ever let go of you. Actually, the torrential downpour outside seemed to just give him more reason to gradually tighten his grip on you.

"I need to get up," you tell him, squirming in his hold.

"But I'm scared," he whines, pulling you closer. "You wouldn't leave me all alone in my time of need, would you? You're my knight in shining armor. My umbrella in these cold, cruel times. Don't you love me enough to keep me dry? Or do you want me to catch a cold? Oh, that would be so romantically tragic-- no, tragically romantic. Tending to your ill lover because you just care for him so much..."

"Seo-Jun, we're inside."

He huffs. "Not the point," he mumbles, burying his face in your chest. "Five more minutes like this, my love. Please."

You sighed inwardly. In Seo-Jun speak, five minutes meant forever.

Thunder rumbled outside. Seo-Jun held you closer.

You're not leaving anytime soon.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Mystery Saja (Dae-Shim)

Hides under the table like dogs do when they're scared of fireworks

Says the most unnerving shit too

In the quiet moments between lightning strikes, he'll whisper something like "the teeth. The teeth in the clouds. They are chewing. They are hungry."

Will NOT elaborate if you ask him what the fuck that means btw

Listen, he's got a lot going on in his head

Knowledge of everything in the universe and beyond made him a little unhinged (see my Saja Boys headcanons linked above for context lol)

he does NOT need thunder to add to that

I also headcanon that he's blind/severely visually impaired so his other senses sharpened to compensate; he probably has pretty sensitive hearing because of that.

So hand him a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and a bowl of cheerios (don't give him milk with his cereal. He will insist that "I can hear them screaming. Why have you drowned them?") and he'll be set and chill for the rest of the storm.

Curls up against you and goes so quiet that you think he either fell asleep or died

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Dae-Shim is curled up beside you on the sofa, his ears snugly fitted with noise-cancelling headphones and his head resting comfortably in your lap. You had managed to bribe him out from beneath the dining room table with the offer of dry cheerios, which he came around to after a few minutes of doggish barking and whispers of "the hat man in the sky".

It's been about thirty minutes since then. The rain still rages outside. You scroll mindlessly on your phone with one hand, the other absently petting his hair. Had it not been for the occasional twitch of his fingers against your thigh, you might have taken his stillness as a sign to start CPR.

"The rain is making the ground soft," he says, voice soft and flat. "It will start clawing its way to the surface soon."

You hum in vague agreement. "That's nice, honey."

“Every seventh raindrop is warm. That’s how you know it’s feeding.”

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Hope it has a good meal. Should we invite it to dinner sometime soon?"

Dae-Shim did not answer, only shifting his position to get more comfortable before going silent and still as a corpse again.

You nod thoughtfully. "I'll take that as a yes."

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Baby Saja (Min-Soo)

He's scared but he's not gonna admit it

Not in the embarrassed way like Kang-Dae is, but more in the way that he really doesn't want to be seen in any sort of childish light for hating the way the thunder is so loud and never-ending for no good reason

He already has to act like a baby in front of fans and it's exhausting-- he is NOT putting up with that at home, either.

He's trying to keep cool and actually is kinda good at it, but he does slip up sometimes when he's caught off guard by a sudden flash of lightning or a particularly loud thunderclap.

So really, he approaches you first, probably offering to play video games or something since you can't go outside because of the weather.

Very subtly tries things to make himself comfortable.

Closes the blinds and curtains because "the lightning is reflecting off the screen and it's making me fail this level" (he just hates lightning lol)

Probably ends up blasting music to drown out the thunder

Drags you along because he admittedly does find comfort in your presence and you always manage to find a way to distract him

Stress eats his candy stash and throws up later (• ᴖ •｡ )

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Min-Soo's room is chaos.

Music blasts from his television, the bright and colorful visuals of Just Dance flashing across the screen. He's got his blue joy-con in one hand and a fistful of gummy worms in the other. Thunder strikes outside and he falters for just a moment, but manages to recover just in time to strike a perfect move to BTS's 'Dynamite'. His blanket is tossed diagonally about his bed from when he attempted to cover up his window "for the aesthetic"-- conveniently after he spilled water on his carpet due to a startling flash of lightning-- before getting frustrated at how it kept falling and just yanking the curtains shut.

You are sitting on his bed, watching in awe at how he manages to stuff his face with sugar, achieve flawless scores on Just Dance, and not throw up from the intensity of it all simultaneously.

He'd dragged you to his room insisting he needed another player for his Just Dance game. You tapped out after the fifth round of Britney Spears's 'Toxic', opting instead to watch his freakish hyperactivity like it's a once-in-a-lifetime event.

You're pretty sure you hear one of the other Saja Boys banging on the wall and cursing at Min-Soo to "turn it down!" from their neighboring bedroom. Probably Kang-Dae. Or Jinu. You don't know. Min-Soo just upped the volume in response.

"Hey," you called over the music, "don't you think you should stop dancing for a second? The candy's gonna make you sick."

"What?" he yelled back, eyes glued to the screen.

"I said you're gonna throw up!"

"No, I'm not!" he pants, inhaling another gummy worm. "This is great! It's energy so I can keep going and beat my high score! I'll be fine!"

He was not, in fact, fine.

Five minutes later, you're rubbing his back while he's flushing unnaturally neon-colored vomit down the toilet to the distant sound of an ongoing Just Dance level.

"Ugh," he groans, sniffling and leaning back against you. "Those Sour Patch Kids were cursed."

You just press your lips together, handing him the water bottle you'd snatched from his nightstand as you ran to the bathroom with him. "I told you that you'd get sick."

He takes the bottle gratefully and uses a piece of toilet paper to wipe his mouth. "Whatever..."

Thunder suddenly shakes the building. He flinches, squeezing his water bottle so tight that the cap nearly bursts off of it. It's then that you realize that he hadn't been randomly energetic at all-- he was distracting himself from the storm outside his window.

You knew better than to point it out to him, though. "Hey, let's just watch a movie," you say instead. "You must be tired from all the dancing. We should just chill for a while."

Min-Soo clears his throat. "Fine," he says, taking a shaky sip of water. "Only if I get to choose."

You help him get to his feet, leading him to the sink for him to wash his mouth out.

"Deal."

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

A/N: Can you guess who's my favorite (⸝⸝๑﹏๑⸝⸝)

[cherrieshalo]

The bunny quirk reader fic was SO cute!!! I got this idea after I read is and figured I'd send you a request :] can you do a reader with a fox quirk, mainly with the thought of reader being insanely quiet when walking, like you never hear them coming until they say something or until they're noticed suddenly next to a person, I also believe most foxes can be loud when around people they like/trust so maybe some of that around bakugo? Idk

Any other details and stuff are up to you! I love your writing style so whatever you write I'll love to read :]

so in love with fox quirk lets doooo this :3

foxquirk!reader who often times scared the shit out of their classmates because of how quiet they were. they'd suddenly appear next to someone out of nowhere and linger for a few seconds before being noticed. the presence was always felt, but it took a bit before being acknowledged.

foxquirk!reader who was very skilled when it came to the hostage situation trainings, very easily being able to outsmart anyone involved. and often times left around random rocks they'd pick up when they'd get distract. hey, if one of the targets trip over them...who is the teacher to complain?

foxquirk!reader who enjoyed playing small tricks and pranks on their classmates. they were harmless most of the time, but there was a time or two where it ended up with someone having to have a visit with recovery girl...

foxquirk!reader who didn't speak much with their classmates despite getting along fairly well, but slowly saw themselves growing attached to katsuki bakugo. it was an accident, really, for his fiery personality somehow matched their playfulness.

foxquirk!reader who became extremely loyal to him as a result, even if he didn't ask them to. they'd follow him around during trainings when paired up together or was ready to slam anyone in their year who dared to talk poorly about him.

foxquirk!reader who would sit next to katsuki in class or at lunch and yap nonstop about literally every topic imagineable. the day's lecture, the weather, the new shop that opened, a cool new ability. literally speaking loudly and proudly about the first thing that came to mind. he didn't understand why they chose him of all people, but eventually began to miss their presence if they sat with someone else for the day.

foxquirk!reader who often times fixed katsuki's hair for him out habit for doing it for their friends without being asked, slightly obsessed with his soft hair. they'd nuzzle into him if he was standing too close and if no one was looking.

foxquirk!reader who wordlessly claimed him as their's one day, a large grin on their face and happy noises leaving their lips at the slightest bit of attention from him... it genuinely didn't matter. if they got even a small glare from him, they'd be over the moon for the rest of the day!

[sparkbirdmusic]

I saw a video sharing criticisms of Certain Birds, and found it interesting and wanted to respond! And I want to say up front that I'm not offended (except by the claim that my music has the vibe of 2010s Christian music /lh). It's a thoughtful critique, so I felt inclined to give it a thoughtful response. /gen

The person said:

...if I'm being totally honest, I didn't really like it. 😓 It's incredible that this sounds nothing like any of them individually, but instead a mixture of all three of their musical styles. Unfortunately, it was not in as much of a thrilling way as I'd hope. For how unique and provoking these artists have been in their work, this one just seems to fall flat for me. Honestly, the main chorus, the 'the end is falling' parts are a good idea. Having each artist join together in a harmony to show how together things are stronger. I think that is a cool idea! But the execution, to me, just falls short. It reminds me of 2010s Christian music, which *is* actually the vibe of a lot of Sparkbird's music. And while I don't think that it's self is necessarily a bad thing, it's just not my preference. The vocals individually are wonderfully done, I particularly love FIAB's singing, I think it really fits the vibe of nocturnal birds. And the beginning of the song sounded like something i could've really liked! I think if they had just leaned towards the more creepy, haunting sound that they had in the beginning, this could've been a lot better! But they instead went for a more upbeat kind of song with a message basically meaning 'If we just stick together, we can do anything!' that was my interpretation at least. Which, again, feels very 2010's pop music. It also feels like it's pandering to fandoms using their songs for edits, instead of making music for the casual listener to listen to and enjoy. And while fandom music isn't a bad thing, it just feels forced sometimes. I much prefer songs that tell their own story rather than someone else's. All in all, I don't think this song is bad. It's just, well, a little disappointing. If it had just been a little different, I would've adored it."

My response (which I commented):

I can definitely understand and appreciate your thoughts on it! I’d never written a song with anyone else, and it’s definitely a very different way to do things. Throughout the whole process, there have been times where I felt super excited and times where I felt more lukewarm about it.

One thing that didn’t help was taking a year to release it, because it built the expectations up higher (imo). I can say, though, that while writing it we talked for many hours every day about every single lyric and the story we were trying to capture, and it was written to capture that story and not specifically shaped for edits or fandoms. The closest we came to that was my using the word ineffable in my verse (which was Good Omens-inspired but I had other reasons)

Anyway, all this being said, I think the place this song shines is in a community setting. It was really meaningful to record, because it was genuinely the first time I’d felt so close to a group of people in so many years. It seems like that was a feeling we all had, and the lyrics reflected that experience. Back home, I felt less certain about the song. Then on tour, singing it all together with a room full of people every night, I fell in love with it again. I get the sense that a lot of people who enjoy the song are people who heard it and sang a long on tour, so maybe that’s an important component to feeling connected to it, I’m not sure!

I do think that Dusty, Shayfer, and I tend to go to a pretty different place lyrically and emotionally in our solo work (compared to what we wrote together). I think we’re all normally much more introspective and internal and isolated in our processes, and the theme of this song (togetherness, community support) might have been inevitable under the circumstances. But with this more mushy song out of the way, I’ll be interested to see what wacky stuff we might come up with together in the future.

EDIT (an afterthought): I would also add that you can tell it wasn't written *for* edits/fandoms because we hold out each word of the chorus so fucking long, no one's waiting for that, they're scrolling past and moving on with their lives

[dark-lord-of-awesomeness]

I love your PJ au! It can absolutely go the gag route of just Stan the gods errands boy or more dramatic with Ford's quest to stop Bill or a mix. I feel like the prophecy absolutely hints at both. "The one who hates your face will receive the blessings of all the gods for their deeds" could absolutely work for either twin referencing either Stan and his locket lint blessings from the gods for us many small deeds or what Ford imagines is the big quest to prevent Bill from rising to godhood and killing the other gods. The main emphasis though is all the gods because that would require Athena finally claiming Stan and bestowing her blessing as well. I don't know if this is coming out right I just like the thought of an unknown race to who completes the prophecy in their way. What is more likely, Ford stopping Bill or Stan getting his mother's love

Oh that is fun. Hmmm.

Not sure on the full prophecy, just that it's prophesied Ford has the face of the one destined to defeat a great threat (Bill), and that everyone automatically assumes is talking about Ford.

But the idea that it could fit both is fun. Hmmmm. Hmm.

I don't think its possible to get blessings from all the gods, as they're too contradictory to appease and get on the good sides of all of them. I do think it'd be funny if Stan makes an enemy of like, Demeter, just because she's the goddess of agriculture and Stan has just nothing in common with her and he ends up offending her every time they meet. Like most of the gods are at least neutral but like his vibes, but for this goddess its on sight. Goddess of the harvest is out to get this homeless kid like Aries is to Percy. Stan can charm everyone else into some form of tolerance, but when it comes to this one goddess he is constantly suffering from foot in mouth disease. He's not cultivating anything, living off the land and from trade, isn't married, isn't the pinicle of health or any kind of health nut. He's the kid moms tell their kids not to hang out with, and somehow he is never making it better.

Got of topic, sorry.

But hmm. Maybe there are certain lines that could apply to both, leaving who its talking about up in the air until the last moment. Like Ford very much ticking off certain lines, but so is Stan in ways people don't realize. Like 'getting marked by fire' and Stan gets a brand, Ford makes the og fire deal with Bill in some way that leaves a mark. Or getting the 'blessings of the mother' and Ford gets Athena's, but Stan gets Hera's in some way as the mother of Olympus. Stuff like that, that no one would put together until the last second that 'no wait, Stan could be the hero of prophecy here'.

Neither of them are aware that they were even doing this, as Stan had no idea there was a prophecy and Ford was told to his face that he had the face of the one who'd complete the prophecy so just sort of ticked things off his list as he was adventuring and such. Sort of a.. whats.. theres a saying. hmm. like, Fords doing grand things that cause mega damage to Bill, but only once a year type deal, while Stan's maintaining fire over time but doing less. Cosmically, if that makes sense. Fords doing Big Things but not often, while Stan's down there with the little gods and nymphs working his way up steady like. Getting famous with the little gods and trickling his fame up while Fords getting public recognition from the Big gods and his fame works its way down.

I'd need to work on what the actual prophecy is and what Bills up to specifically to say one way or the other for sure.

[elamarth-calmagol]

I guess everyone knows I'm into Murderbot now. I decided that if other people could flood my feed dash with random shows, I could, too. I came late to this party. I had Murderbot on my list, but I didn't try to get it until after the show came out, and by then, everything was checked out with a line except the audio book. I can't remember ever listening to an audiobook before, but I had a long drive down to my friends who are both Murderbot and audiobook fans, so I figured All Systems Red would keep me awake for most of the drive, and by then I'd be ready for music or something. I ended up downloading the next book at a rest stop. Then, having listened to two books in one day, I watched the first episode with my friends, which is officially the fastest I've ever jumped into a fandom. I listened to the next two on the way back, and then watched the rest of the show at home. I was going to chill out after that, but I literally found myself unable to chill because the air conditioning broke. So I lay in my bed listening to Fugitive Telemetry and not moving, because what else do you do when you have no AC in Florida in the summer? And yet, I still can't read fanfic because it's all about Network Effect.

Anyway, I decided to share my character opinions comparing the books and show.

The ones I like

Murderbot: I've decided to save my opinion on why it's not so bad for SecUnit to be played by a white man for another post, since it turned into too much of an essay. My mental image of it was poisoned because I saw pictures of the Alexander Skarsgard as SecUnit and also listened to a recording where it was played by a man, so I never thought of it as androgynous. (All the books but Artificial Condition were the full cast version. I'm not sure why, given that my friend got the originals from the same library. Apparently, the full cast version left out some lines?? Which is completely unacceptable! But both versions have a male narrator.) And I think Skarsgard was fantastic. I love his subtle expressions, especially the horror at being asked to socialize. If I take the book literally, SecUnit's face should be highly emotional, but I always saw it as totally blank unless I was told otherwise, which is basically Skarsgard's face. I was disappointed that the wide-eyed horrorified face only happened early in the season, so hopefully, they find somewhere to fit it in next season.

Gurathin: I imagined Gurathin as shorter and heavier and maybe Eastern European? But even if my mental image was more solid, I never would have come up with his show actor because he's so unusual and distinctive. Which is a good thing. I do find the perpetual bags under his eyes kind of distracting, though. I think the show mostly did a good job with Gurathin, though I think it must be spoiling something from a later book with his backstory. I don't like that he was already suspicious of SecUnit from episode one because it made the reveal about the governor module less effective. (Also, why did everyone let him get away with saying SecUnit should be executed for malfunctioning?) But anyway, what I really dislike is the focus on his relationship with SecUnit at the expense of Mensah. You can see this in the fandom's reaction of immediately shipping them: their interactions were the strongest in the show. If they could have had both characters be equally important, I would have been happy.

Mensah: I love show Mensah. She immediately wiped out my previous idea of her in my mind (who looked more like Bahardwaj, I think). When I finished Exit Strategy after watching the show, I couldn't handle the high and youthful voice of the voice actor, because That's Not Mensah. I liked the subplot about her panic attacks as well, though I didn't really like the one on the hill because she was being stupid, and I prefer the book version of that scene anyway. I am really disappointed by the lack of relationship between her and SecUnit through the first nine episodes. I guess the writers thought you need conflict-ridden relationships to make an interesting show, and its feelings about Mensah are too positive to be interesting. I am so relieved that she was the last human they showed in episode 10, though.

Pin Lee: I had trouble tracking all the characters in the book, probably due to the audio format, so I didn't really pick up on who Pin Lee was until the end. I saw her as a skinny, neatly dressed office worker type, so I was thrown for a loop when I saw them in the show. They come across as way too rude and aggressive for lawyering, though later books imply that everyone is scared of her, so I guess it's not completely out of left field. I was hoping for their true lawyer form to be revealed in episode 10. Really, that should have been their moment for heroics, but Gurathin took center stage yet again. Sigh.

It took me ages to realize that they were nonbinary in the show, but while I'm not sure if it was planned or they just chose a nonbinary actor and decided to run with it, I thought that was a really good idea. In the first four books, we only get one nonbinary character, and te is apparently an established gender from ter homeworld. I think there's also someone going by they/them in Fugitive Telemetry, but I'm not sure. So while there is a sense that gender has evolved, we don't see much in the way of flexibility in gender identity. The only options seem to be male human, female human, and bot, plus any cultural genders your planet uses. Pin Lee being nonbinary shows that people can define themselves, and it's not considered weird or confusing. That also means that SecUnit (once it's free) could declare itself to have a gender if it wanted to, and if it's still Bot Standard Agender, that's its own choice.

The ones I don't like

Ratthi: I mostly noticed Ratthi in All Systems Red because I kept trying to figure out how his name was spelled. (Rati? Radi? Roti would be funny.) I literally learned the answer to my question from the show subtitles. He shows up more in later books, and yeah, I see why SecUnit considers him to be a friend. I did NOT like him in the show. He's such a himbo, it's embarrassing. For most of the show, I don't even see how he's useful to the team or why Dr. Arada even likes him. Thank god he finally has a good part in episode 10.

Bahardwaj: Bahardwaj was the first person whose name I knew because she was critical to the first scene. (I wish the show had also started there, in the middle of action.) I imagined her as basically a female version of show!Ratthi: a lot younger, thinner, and more South Asian. But aside from appearance, she feels frenetic and just wrong in her acting. I liked seeing her doing surgery, that was cool. But most of the time, when she was on screen, I wished she wasn't.

The ones I have no opinion on:

Arada: I don't know whether I even knew Dr. Arada existed. I know that when I counted up the characters, I came up one short on the women's side, so someone disappeared in my mind. So obviously, I had no opinion on how she should be acted, and I have no objection to her.

Overse: Again, one of the women vanished from my mind, and it could have been Overse. Given that I couldn't keep track of all eight people, I think it's okay to drop a couple of characters, even if I disapprove in principle.

The other one:

Volescu: It feels kind of wrong to switch out the person SecUnit originally drops its helmet for, but I realize that they were trying to make the show simpler, and Arada is important later whereas I guess Volescu isn't.

LeeBeeBee: I have never been so happy to see someone's head explode. I still don't think she was necessary, but there were some interesting moments from her, so (as SecUnit says) whatever.

[aroaessidhe]

the thing about aromantic-coding used as an obstacle to overcome in romances is like. of course these are actual normal and legit experiences that have nothing to do with aromanticism - many people have issues with commitment and romance because of fear or trauma or insecurity or repression.

(side note: I recommend reading this post by @lavendersbook missed opportunities in aro representation or the accidental aromantics for some more coherent thoughts than mine adjacent to this)

but when you have a book where one character's main journey is about them figuring out their demisexuality and relationship with sex/attraction, and then the other main character has an excessive amounts of moments of them expressing distaste for romance, being uncomfortable when people give them romantic gestures or want to be in a relationship with them, are happy with non-romantic sexual relationships, express the fact that they're not interested in romance and constantly have those boundaries pushed.......only for them to I guess eventually have those boundaries pushed over the edge and admit to whatever fear or trauma is stopping them from being in a relationship then they get together and it's fine they're in love happy ending

it's just a bit weird imo, in an ace book, to not even BRING UP the concept of could they be aromantic? Because even if they aren't arospec, being introduced to a mindset that says ‘it’s okay and normal to not be interested in or prioritise romance’ could help them feel better about the way they are and probably allow them to face their Issues naturally instead of being forced into overcoming it. Unlearning amatonormativity benefits everyone.

(and yes blah blah the point of stories is to be messy and unhealthy sometimes and not everyone has knowledge of the intricacies of every queer identity but I personally think if your narrative falls apart by a character knowing about aromanticism you need a better narrative)

like in Kiss Me, Maybe, the love interest has this fear of commitment because of her past relationship ending badly and the greyace MC does ask her if she could be aro, and she's like no, I feel attraction and desire for romance, I just don't trust myself not to mess up again (something along those lines). The book isn't perfect but like, it was so easy to at least attempt to bring it up. (and sometimes, when it comes to aro & ace identities, we need Telling as well as Showing. because the aspec things we 'see' are different for everyone)

Whereas That's What She Said ultimately villainising the aro-coded character for her fear of committment due to her parents' divorce or whatever while the rest of the book is about her friend's demisexuality.... and This Feast of a Life (which I really did like overall, it just unfortunately also does this) where one MC has a dislike/fear of relationships because her mum died and she's afraid of getting close to someone and losing them again.....in both cases there was such an opportunity for exploring an arospec character? or at least them questioning about it? and the trauma/issues could have been explored as the things they are rather than a reason to cause a conflict? In TFoaL especially there was so much opportunity for exploring the complexities of differing needs between an alloace and aroallo in a relationship - like that was explored I'd say, it just feels off when it abruptly ends with the aro-coded character being like yeah i was repressing things we're in love everything is Normal

(as an aside note, cynthia so's other book (which I loved!!!) has a SC who 'never felt romantic towards ex, there must be something wrong with me' and I was sure it was going to balance that with the questioning ace SC subplot and have her be questioning aro but. never brought up. so I was thinking about that when I started TFoaL knowing it was aspec in some way)

it's just kinda. I'm not mad I'm just disappointed. there was opportunity for exploring things in more interesting and complex ways and it's unfortunate that, instead, books keep going in this direction. idk. end thoughts

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

please tell us your bigger than the whole sky / would've could've should've Thots

oh no, you're gonna get me started on two of my favourite songs and I won't be able to stop 😂 This has turned into a very rambly stream of consciousness post, my apologies. The TL;DR is that to me, they're fascinating explorations of the ways in which faith (and I don't necessarily mean religious) can guide us or lead us astray, buoy us or cast us adrift.

I know there are all kinds of interpretations of the songs and their place on Midnights and in Taylor's discography. I've touched on this before, but one thing that has struck me about Midnights is that it's an album about loss and depression and questioning in the aftermath, and so many songs on there feel like "what ifs": moments in time where it seems like everything changed from that point forward. (That's a real fucking legacy to leave, indeed.)

I've written about it elsewhere on this blog, but something that connects both songs to me is how they deal with faith, as I said at the outset. Specifically, WCS is the point at which she believes she/the narrator loses her faith due to what happened to her, and BTTWS delves into how unmoored in the wake of another loss when she/the narrator feels in a world where she no longer has the faith she once held. It's, I could have gone along with the righteous to I'll say words I don't believe.

I know the wording sounds similar between the two songs, but they aren't exactly the same, and to me their intent is completely different, though equally marking. @taylortruther even answered an ask about this a while back. As she put it in the post:

what i like about it is that would've could've should've is a pretty glib phrase, in my experience, and sometimes shaming. like, don't dwell on it, you could've done things differently, but you can't change it now. and these are two songs about dwelling and not being able to move on from something that changed her (or the narrator).

In WCS, it's like a call and response in her head: if you would've, I would've. You could've, and I'd never. "Would've, could've, should've" in the pre-chorus is like she's chastising herself, as in, I should've have known better, except by the end we know: no, she couldn't have known better, because he should've, and did. (Don't you think I was too young? You should've known.) It's angry and pained.

In BTTWS, the order's a little different (What could've been, would've been, should've been you.) To me, the context is completely different in that it's not recrimination like in WCS: it's a sad, pining daydream about someone/something that never came to exist or no longer exists. Whereas in WCS the words are her not only beating herself up with regret, but reading the person who harmed her for filth, in BTTWS it's a tender elegy for an entity that left her before its time.

One of the most interesting similarities between the two songs, to me, is that they both deal with the fallout of an event outside the narrator's control, with some omniscient figure pulling the strings instead, and the narrator's reaction to each of them is a markedly different stage of processing or grief.

In WCS, she's grappling with the guilt that this is something she thought she wanted, only to realize much later on that someone else was making these choices for her. The Devil should have blinked, he should have spat her out, he shouldn't have touched her first, he shouldn't have put her on a pedestal only to bury her in the ground. He was the one with the power in the situation, and he did something to her (or, in her words, took something from her) that left her filled with regret and shame. She believed she wanted this, but only now does she know she should never have been put in the position where it was even an option.

In BTTWS, the narrator is grappling with something being taken from her that was beloved and is now sorely missed. The guilt in this case is her wondering if there were anything she could have done to prevent whatever happened that led to its loss. If she'd stayed on her knees, as it were, would the outcome have changed? (Which is an interesting contrast to WCS: WCS implies that she was part of the righteous-- until the events in the song, which made her fall from grace. Here, she doesn't consider her righteousness until the thing is gone away. Kind of like bookends thematically, in a sense.) Is her lack of faith or piety the reason this happened? Or is it because of a cascading series of random events she doesn't even know about that ultimately led to this? To me, it's like, in WCS, she knows exactly why it happened (even if she doesn't know why he did it), but in BTTWS, she has absolutely no idea what led her here, which is part of why she can't find the words for it.

It's interesting, because even in WCS there's an admission that part of her thought she wanted this: The god's honest truth is that the pain was heaven. If you never saved me from boredom, I could've gone on as I was. Hence the regret that she fell into temptation (lol sorry can't help it-- the Catholic guilt is strong in this one) and was led so astray-- I miss who I used to be. In BTTWS, esoteric ~you~ is something that is unquestionably very much wanted-- I've got a lot to pine about, I've got a lot to live without, I'm never gonna meet what [...] should've been you-- and the guilt stems from feeling like she there could have been something to keep ~them~ here. The loss of what could've, would've, should've been this ~thing~ leaves a hole in her and her future. The narrator is haunted by what happened to her in WCS, but in BTTWS, she's haunted by what didn't happen, in a sense.

If Midnights in an album, as the fandom popularly theorizes, about looking into your past to try to understand your present and protect your future, those two songs are clear examples of ruminating over a specific event (either recent or long ago) and wondering if there were any way to prevent the pain and loss in the current moment.

This is probably far more than you ever bargained for for an answer, and as you can tell I could wax poetic about this for ages. I think WCS is one of the cornerstones of her discography, because it is such a raw depiction of trauma and its aftermath, and I think fills in the lines of so much (certainly between Speak Now and TTPD). And I think BTTWS is actually vital to understanding both Midnights and TTPD, like it's a bridge between the two albums, because it is the starkest depiction of grief and depression. The "every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness" is the same kind of mindset that leads to writing so much of Midnights, and mood-wise it's a direct pipeline to Fortnight which then sets the scene for the rest of the album.

If you're interested, I wrote a long-ass post diving into the 3am tracks (before we knew that TTPD even existed lol) and wrote quite a bit about WCS and BTTWS there too. And my song tags (particularly the bttws ones) probably have more stuff in there too!

[sultrycitron]

I'm Still Here

Jackson!Ellie x f!reader

Synopsis: Ellie still has nightmares of when she lost Joel, even years after it had happened. In this, she never went after Abby. You try to offer a physical distraction to calm her down.

What to expect: spoilers for S2E2, subby Ellie, tears, crying, very soft smut. I feel like we don't see enough gentle smut of Ellie. Fingering, kissing, you know the drill

She could still feel his eyes on her from his final moments. The ragged final breath he took when Abby finished him off, but he didn't look away.

"Joel! Joel, get up! Fucking get up!" Ellie sobbed, having called out his name a thousand times. This exact scenario had plagued her dreams since it happened. She was standing now, no longer on the ground holding her stomach. no one was holding her down. So why couldn't she move? All she could do was watch. He didn't even look like himself, beaten black and blue.. the only thing that she recognized behind his bloodied figure was those eyes. Those brown eyes that poured into her soul and ripped it out of her body, full of so much love until the very end. She never even got to apologize or say three simple words. I love you. But grief had a funny way of being cruel. The moment she shut her tear stricken eyes, she heard his voice.

"It's your fault, you know." That familiar southern drawl spoke, and when Ellie looked up - she was horrified by the sight. Joel standing in front of her, hair sticking to his bloody face and his teeth broken, his leg completely mangled from blunt force. He limped, getting closer and closer to Ellie. "Shoulda declined takin' you at all. Atleast then, Tess'd be alive. I'd still be alive. But you have a funny habit of killin' those around'ya, don't you? Guess it makes sense. You're just like the rest of yer kind" He spoke cruelly, voice broken and mangled. The young girl looked up at him, broken and lips trembling as she struggled to answer his words. This wasn't Joel. This wasn't Joel. This wasn't Joel—

"My.. my kind-?"

"Cordyceps."

The way the word rolled out so smoothly made her chest hurt. Each blow hurt more than the last. "Think 'bout it. Riley, Tess, Sam, Henry, me.. we'd all still be alive if we hadn't met you. But you jus' take and take. I'd even argue that you're worse than the rest of them because you're aware. Whose next? Your girlfriend?" The mere thought of losing you after she had lost so many people killed her. Everyone she ever cared about had left her or died, and god, if she had to pick between those two options she'd want you to leave and save yourself. You were the only reason she stayed here in Jackson and didn't run off to kill Abby and herself in the process.

Tears ran down her freckles cheeks, still unable to move as she looked Joel in the eyes. She shook her head and hiccupped. She couldn't look at him like this but she couldn't look away either. He was gone the second she blinked. "J.. Joel? Joel, wait— please. Please I'm sorry. I'm sorry, come back—" she wept, having lost him all over again. When she looked down, her hands trembled and were drenched in his blood.

"Mh.. 'm sorry.. 'm sorry, Joel.."

The whispered words woke you up, groaning as you pushed yourself up and rubbed your eyes. What time was it?? You look up and squint at the window of the home where you and your wife slept. It was still dark out. You look down, eyes softening at the sight of your beloved trembling and weeping apologies in her sleep. It'd been 10 years since Joel passed but it still haunted her. You lost count of how many times you'd seen her like this. You reach a hand out, brushing messy locks behind her ears. A grimace took place on your face when you felt some strands stick to her forehead. Night sweats.

Carefully shaking her shoulder and kissing her cheek, you whispered. "Ellie..? Baby, c'mon.. get up.."

Your wife woke up with a strangled gasp, sitting up so fast she hit her forehead against yours on the way. The both of you groaned in pain before Ellie looked up at you, her chest rising and falling rapidly in adrenaline before her eyes softened. You were still here. She hasn't lost you yet. "Shit.. sweetheart, are you okay?" Your voice cut her out of her staring, reminding her that everything was alright. Ellie was never a sensitive woman. Hell, she'd fist fight a clicker if you let her - but she quickly crawled closer to you and crumbled in your arms. She sniffled and clung on tight, flinching a bit when your arms came around her. "Hey, hey.. Els, it's okay."

Ellie buried herself in your throat, heavily inhaling your scent and feeling your pulse. Hear your breathing. "I'm.. I'm so glad you're— you're okay. I haven't.. haven't lost you yet." She wept pathetically against you. Your wife. Who was tougher than anyone else you knew, tattoos and piercings.. was sobbing in your arms. You gently rubbed her back, whispering in her pierced ear. "Els, it's okay.. I'm not going anywhere. You aren't losing me."

Oh, your poor baby. You rubbed firm circles into her back, rocking the both of you back in forth as you tried to soothe her aching. But you had an idea.. distractions usually worked, right?

You gently draw Ellie back from your flesh, wiping the tears from her cheeks before leaning in and kissing her. Your lips danced along her trembling ones softly, happy when she mustered the energy to join the tango between the two of you. A gentle hand pushed her onto her back, never breaking the kiss and comfort between your proximity. The kiss only broke after a few long moments. "I love you so much. I love this,"

You kissed her lips again, pulling back to plant a kiss to her nose. "And this.. and this.." you murmured against every piece of her you kissed, pulling back and adoring her from above. Her cheeks were wet from tears, eyes glossy and searching yours for a cure to her ache. "I love all of this and more.. why would I ever want to be anywhere else but right here?" You knew that she was worried about more than just you leaving. But you didn't want to upset her even more by bringing up your possible death in the future. But your comfort seemed to be working, her breathing becoming steady.

A hand trailed down her stomach to her boxers, pausing in its tracks. Ellie always slept without pants on. You gently squeezed her hip. "I'm gonna take your mind off of everything, but only if you let me.. okay? Is that alright?" You asked softly, seeing her nod. "I need verbal consent, honey."

"Yes.. that's— that's more than fine."

You smiled tenderly at her, before slipping your hand beneath the waistline of her draws. A lovely gasp emitted from her throat as you gently rubbed your middle finger through her folds. You had one hand down her underwear and the other gently messing with her hair as she squirmed. Ellie was used to being the 'top', but she needed extra attention right now. You shushed her softly as you used two fingers to circle her clit, feeling the wet slick build beneath your fingertips. She was so amazing. You continued with your ministrations, slow and gentle to the point her brain became foggy with need rather than pain.

You kissed away the remaining tears on her face before nuzzling your nose against hers. Your breaths intertwined in a rhythm, yours calm while hers was inching towards erratic. "B.. baby, please.." she panted out, needing to feel you inside of her. You were everything she needed and more. Who were you to deny her wishes? Your fingers trailed down, carefully pushing her folds apart before sinking in. You kissed her softly as you did this, swallowing her moans so she wouldn't feel embarrassed. You only wanted her to feel in bliss right now.

Her tongue weakly fought yours, saliva dripping down the side of her mouth into her hair as she allowed herself to get lost in the sensations. You scissored your fingers slowly, feeling her whine rumble in your lips from the pleasurable stretch before you continued to thrust your fingers in and out slowly. You opened your eyes just momentarily, watching how hers fluttered when you found the gummy spot inside of her. You pulled back from the kiss — a long line of saliva breaking once you were away long enough.

"Right there?" You asked softly, watching as your wife panted and let out soft little oh's and ah's.. your fingers curled up, massaging the delicate bundle of nerves that made her see stars. You saw her mouth fall wide open, soft sobs of pleasure seeping out. "That's it, my love.. let go.."

Her walls fluttered around your fingers, a whimper parting from her lips as you gently rode out her orgasm. Once all was said and done, you pulled your fingers out of her and wiped them off on your pants. As much as you'd like to taste her, you knew she just needed comfort right now. You laid down beside her and pulled the heavy blanket over both of you, kissing her cheek as your arms wrapped around her.

"Good night, I love you.."

"I love you too.." she slurred out softly as she fell asleep in your arms.

She slept soundly for the rest of the night.

A/N: requests are open!! Feel free to request<3

[resident-fungi-fren]

Ok so I am working on this,, drafting it out.

I'm thinking the backstory is that post realization they have a sorta reunion, and that's part of why the pc is around enough of the dateables at once to have the confusion of who the parent can be, since I think in a polycule of 30+ ppl you'd probably be pretty spread out in terms of interactions lol.

I want Dorian to be the first to find out for purely selfish reasons. I think he's with pc when they find out, and he is caught of guard and has a negative reaction, not necessarily towards the pc, more of he's terrified because he doesn't know how to protect something that small and fragile, borderline worried he'd hurt the baby by being too strong, but once he has time to actually process on his own he's happy about it and works things out with pc.

The pc ends up staying with Betty and Ben-Wha (also for purely selfish reasons bc I do have favorites) bc I can just see those two being so supportive and comforting, like you know there would be no shame over not knowing who the other parent is, Ben-Wha would be proud of the pc for 'getting around' so much. Plus if I found out I was surprise pregnant and my partner I was with in the moment didn't have the greatest reaction, I'd want to be held and snuggled by my bed.

Some other specific moments I have in mind but don't have a timeline for:

Eddie and Volt finding out. The pc kinda throws themself into Eddie's arms so he can catch them bc that's their thing after the ladder incident, and Eddie jokes that they're heavier than normal and pc just stands back up and shows him the bump... Volt being mildly confused but excited (man does not know how humans work in the slightest) Eddie being worried he'd be a bad dad bc he's gruff and an asshole, Volt and pc talking through his worries with him and it ends with the classic volt eddie sandwich. Pc in the middle this time bc they like feeling safe with their breaker box boys.

The Hanks, I'm thinking that this is after Hank 5 had his baby, and them just getting excited that baby hank will have a sibling/friend/playmate, and when pc brings up they aren't sure who the other parent is, they get confused bc "humans need another human to reproduce" which leads to them questioning how hank 5 got a kid,,, I just think this whole conversation would be so funny.

Mateo being very excited about the baby, he wants to show them the animals and I just think he'd be very cute as a dad, showing Davi the baby... also theres a pun somewhere about a baby blanket.

Chance would make a pun about the odds of getting pregnant, and also would totally make a character sheet for the baby. Parker would ask him to make a die to decide what kind of parent he'd be, which he says no too lol.

Hector I think would be also worried/nervous, partially that what if the baby is scared of him, but I can also see post realization Hector having a bit more self confidence, and I can see him becoming worried that the child would fall to the same insecurities he had, and would want to make sure the baby never felt ashamed to be seen like he had.

Cabrizzo would be delighted, and treat the pc like absolute royalty during pregnancy (and the rest of the time lol) you can't convince me this cabinet wouldn't give his pregnant lover foot massages for their swollen ankles, or make those romantic baths with the rose petals and shit, just doing the most he can to make sure his partner is comfortable during the pregnancy.

Freddy would have concerns like Dorian, but more focused on his fear of hurting the baby. We see his concern about hurting people featured in his arc, and I can see him being very cautious about his temper around the baby. Ofc I think he'd be a good dad, the kind who wants his kids to think he's cool but comes off very dorky (in an endearing way)

I also have some thoughts on non-baby daddy characters I'd want to touch on, like Farya fixating on pregnancy symptoms/complications becoming a source of anxiety for the pc, and the two having a conversation about that.

I just know Kopi would be the cutest, she'd just be so sweet and supportive. Prissy would probably also be very excited, after all, she's real and the baby is real and alive and something like that. (look its nearly 2 am as I type this, cut me some slack)

Shelley would be so excited, and she'd totally do that think where partner's lift the swollen belly and the pregnant partner just relaxes when the weight is off, just her being excited to be able to help support her partner!

At this moment, I haven't finished everyone's arc/realizations, but I wanna start writing this bc the idea just wont leave me alone...

i need a date everything post realization fic where the pc get pregnant after sleeping around the polycule and they have to go on a mama-mia style quest to figure out which of the dateables knocked them up

like i want a scene where they comment that they didnt even realize the dateables *could* reproduce like that and someone brings up the hanks, and the pc says that they thought that hank 5 just like,,, mitosised himself a baby

please does anyone else see the vision

[hana-uranai]

new ako album and new vanqullwars album in July i will be truly blessed then 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[kenzan-brainrot-mp4]

talk more about the white whale/whale symbolism in general whatever thoughts you have on the whale stuff i want to hear it 👂

GRAHHHHH YEAH (This one got. Long (again lol) So be prepared (series-wide spoilers but I feel like that's a given atp))

First of all I just wanna say that I love how rgg drags the player along around the final chapter title. With how upfront the other chapter titles are in what they're referring to, you might end up wondering why they chose White Whale for the final chapter title once you see the title card (or at least I did). Of course, this could just be referring to the treasure that everyone's been looking for, but with how nonchalantly they react to the fact that the treasure isn't actually there, it doesn't seem to completely fit the bill.

But then you beat the game (and by this I mean beat the final boss) and lo and behold, there's an Actual white whale, and so you think "Oh! Duh, the chapter's called White Whale because there's a literal white whale and it pretty much just finished off the final boss!" But that still doesn't make that much sense. Why name the final chapter (arguably the most important one) after some whale that appears in the last like 15 minutes of the game? Like, take the final chapter name of (Kiryu) Gaiden, it's literally the name of the game (The Man Who Erased His Name) so it's gotta be something more significant than that, right? (But then of course take into the account that by this point the player is still convinced that nothing really in pyih is too deep/serious, so maybe it could just be something as simple as that).

Then you get to the credits, and they reveal that the "elixir"/the ambergris is found in the stomachs of whales. Damn, that's pretty crazy/cool, but once again, nobody that was actively seeking the treasure (Rodriguez, Jason/Noah, Spade Tucker, etc you know the drill) seems to hung up on the fact that they didn't find it, and they didn't even encounter the whale, so they wouldn't get that same sense that they just missed it either, again, it's not a big deal really, so why make that the final chapter title?

Of course, we all know what this builds up to: the big reveal, the fact that Majima, who we've been following along with this entire game, was looking for that elixir this entire time, was the only one to actually encounter a whale in the game, and then there's the insane line drop from Saejima.

"Kiryu Kazuma. You never could give up on that one."

Ironically, the final chapter title has nothing to do with that whale you saw earlier at all, rather it's a summary of what Majima's motivations/actions for this game, and the past. Almost every game, has meant for him. It's what Saejima spells out for us at the end of the game, but said in even fewer words.

An all-consuming obsession that only leads to your destruction. An impossibility, something that you can destroy yourself over but never achieve/obtain. This is what the white whale means, metaphorically. And it is this, exactly, that Kiryu is to Majima.

Kiryu is larger than life itself, to just about everyone. He's a legend, he's the one Majima has had his sights on since the very beginning, the legend he chases after game after game and also what he destroys himself over game after game.

(see:

Yakuza 1 -> Majima just straight up taking a full-on stab wound for Kiryu. Like, buddy, I literally saw one of my favorite characters die that way in another game, there was No guarantee you were surviving that.

Yakuza 2 -> Majima fights off an army of yakuza for Kiryu. That man was beat to total Shit (which is Not something that happens often) and we all saw it

Yakuza 3 -> Majima re-enters the Tojo Clan for Kiryu even though he is (extremely likely) aware that it is already entering its steady decline that we see throughout the rest of the series up until its dissolution. And while he's willing to do it for Kiryu, we can't exactly say that he's happy about the situation as a whole.

Yakuza 5 -> Majima's willingness to die for Haruka, specifically stated because "She means more to Kiryu-chan than life itself." Like, of course he wouldn't just let Haruka get killed, but to choose to mention Kiryu as part of his reasoning in that moment? Christ

While I (surprisingly) can't say anything particularly self-destructive happened in (Kiryu) Gaiden and Infinite Wealth, you could argue that Majima trying to more and more directly tell Kiryu not to leave ("No need to rush outta here yet... Alright?" -> "Don't leave! Don't you dare leave, Kiryu-chan!"), knowing that it's likely pointless, knowing Kiryu, is not doing himself any favors.

Pirate Yakuza -> *gestures at the entire game*

Also his reaction to encountering that giant squid ("Sure is a helluva way to die. I think I'm into it!"). Like, okay. I don't want to try and read too much into it because it was very likely just a one off line. But I'm still gonna side-eye it.

Honestly now that I think about it, if Majima Had died fighting that giant squid (that is such a way to begin a sentence thank you rgg), you could argue that that would've been his nail in the coffin for the white whale metaphor. If he had, it would've meant that his obsession for Kiryu is what got him dragged down into the literal depths of the ocean, and even if it wouldn't be Kiryu physically dragging Majima down like the white whale to Ahab, this is a situation that is completely, entirely, fueled by Majima's obsession towards him (Majima had no real interest in the nuclear waste cleanup project, after all, Kiryu was his one motivation this entire time), and it would've drowned him.

Guess that means he got real lucky with the last part, but we all know he sure as hell isn't beating the allegations.)

All this and yet Majima seems to fail to reaching Kiryu time and time again.

Majima does not obtain the Heart of the Dragon, found in the intestines of the literal whale. He does not obtain eternal life for Kiryu. And he (arguably, though the final scene of him walking to Kiryu's hospital room could oppose this) does not resolve the indefinite limbo that has been sitting between them throughout the entire series. What he gets at the end of the game is the acknowledgement (through Saejima, everybody thank him) that he has been obsessing over this, and perhaps the realization that Kiryu was, in fact, this white whale that he would never truly reach ("Well, still just a dream in the end.") Of course this is something he already knows/has acknowledged deep down, and it's a feeling that is hinted at in some of his dialogue in scattered moments, but this is the first time he ever says it in such an outright manner.

I guess in a way, you could say that Pirate Yakuza is a story about the newfound success of all the people Majima helped and supported in achieving their dreams, and the continued failure of Majima in pursuing his own (Kiryu), and him needing to acknowledge/accept that. And the post-credits begs the question of what he decides to do with the aftermath and what he has left. (An oversimplification definitely but still. augh. Augh)

Naming the final chapter White Whale was yet another crazy move on rgg's part. Its so unassuming, seemingly straightforward yet also seemingly insignificant, but once the realization dawns on you it slaps you right in the face, just like everything else about this game does. It's yet another instance of how rgg managed to pull its big reveal so well, with all the small details, all the reframing, all pointing back to the same topic that it had spent the entire rest of the game dancing around.

Majima recounting his story of how he went to Hawaii -> Majima recounts his story to Kiryu in the exact same way at the very end

The treasure everyone's been looking for/known about + Majima, the one guy who didn't have knowledge about any of this legend stuff prior? -> Wrong, he was after the treasure from the very start (before the amnesia at least). For Kiryu

Majima originally being on course for Hawaii so he could help with the nuclear waste cleanup even though he'd be bored as hell? -> Nah. For Kiryu (Ohhhhh you know what this is reminding me of some screenshots I took from near the beginning of the game)

(I'm sure this meant nothing of course. Lol. Lmao)

Majima's dream during pirate yakuza being to fulfill Other People's dreams -> Haha. Well, I think you get the point by now

Kiryu, Kiryu, Kiryu. It all goes back to Kiryu, every single time, without fail, in an obsessive loop that Majima has been dragging himself around over for Years. He is the white whale, seemingly untouchable, the constant object of Majima's attention and devotion in so many forms, his consistent weak point, that only seems to dig at him deeper as the games go on.

Like I said before, while the white whale metaphor is undeniable, and essentially spells doom for Majima, it's not over for him yet. Because, hey, he didn't drown at sea, or die on the beach. He was saved, and he's survived enough to retell that tale and reflect on it all with Saejima in the post-credits, brief as that reflection was. I mentioned before how he really only said one line of any actual substance during that specific part of the exchange, but the significance of it says so much.

"Well, still just a dream in the end"

As much as it hurts to here Majima address the hopelessness of it all, to hear him say something like that after Saejima basically just laid out his sheer devotion and refusal to give up on his dream for everyone to see, I think the bittersweetness is. Good, actually. Captain Ahab never gave up on that pursuit on the white whale, and it destroyed him; that whale dragged him down until he finally drowned, and it feels like all Majima has been doing over Kiryu since Yakuza 3 is drowning himself in him.

Don't get me wrong, I (for now at least) do not take that line as a complete admittance of defeat, or Majima finally giving up on Kiryu, on that dream he could never let go of. (Like I've been saying, it's an acknowledgement, not exactly a declaration.) I do not think it means he is just letting go, full-stop.

But I do hope it means he can stop himself from self-destructing completely. I hope it means that he can slow down with the wild chase, (and that he and Kiryu can just. Sit down and talk like fucking normal people. Which i guess they are doing in the post-credits, supposedly) and I hope it means that he won't drown completely, especially in the case of the worst possible scenario.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!

[odditymuse]

Layla's feelings were much the same as Steven's. A worry, in the beginning, that things might be a little awkward. The fact that they'd kissed, the fact that she had missed Marc when finally having him back. However, as their little adventure had come to an end back then she realized while she had missed Marc, it wasn't necessarily that she missed him as her husband. They'd had their ups and downs. More ups than anything and it had been nice when she'd had him. . . but as time had passed? As she saw the way he and Steven interacted? Well, she knew where he place was, then. She wasn't too upset by it, either, really. This? Was worth far more to her than anything else. Seeing Steven smile wide and emotional. Seeing the joy in his his, shining, brown eyes. "Let's not take it that far. I'd hate to hurt you. I've been told I'm a pretty good fighter." It was only a joke as she leaned a bit into him and focused herself on the TV as well. Took a few snacks and let the beginnings of the night take them.

Thirty minutes have to be remaining in the movie when Layla felt the weight of Steven grow more and more prominent against her own side. Maybe even twenty minutes, judging by the pacing of the documentary and what she knew about others like this one. Yet there he was, dozed off against her like it was the easiest thing for him to do. It was. . . sweet. It was really, truly sweet. She was a good guest, though, and finished the movie there before even thinking of waking him. She didn't want to miss a single second, actually very interested in it. . . However once credits began to roll and she'd popped a few more snacks into her mouth, she shifted just lightly to look down and over at Steven. His face was so mellowed out -- soft looking. Nothing like Marc, now that she knew the differences. No, even when sleeping Marc always had a bit of curl to his brow. Like he could never fully relax. She chuckled at the thought, moving a hand up to gently pat on a tanned cheek.

"Steven. . . Steven. . . Am I really that comfortable? I can't be, come on now. . ." It was spoken soft and easy, as to not startle the poor man in any manner.

When Layla smiles at him, so gentle and kind, Steven just has to smile straight back at her - and he wants to do that, of course he does, because he likes her, a lot! He knows that she used to be Marc's wife, and... well, part of him had always expected things to perhaps turn out a bit complicated because of it, honestly, yeah - especially since they had kissed once as well, in a very awkward way, before trying to find Ammit's ushabti - but, in the end, she'd turned into his best friend anyways.

He thinks they're getting along well, Layla and him; She makes him happy, makes him smile, makes him want to share his hobbies and odd fascinations with her - and Layla accepts him the way he is, lets him talk and ramble, listens to what is on his mind, even built a pillow fort with him --- and now they're going to watch one of his favorite childhood movies...!

So yes, Steven does smile, wide and eager, sincere, certainly a bit emotional as well, before he nods a few times and then looks back at the TV, hand reaching for a few snacks which he starts to munch on.

"I promise that you'll enjoy it." A hum, a glance at her for one last time, followed by a wink. "---In case you're not, you're allowed to... uhm, slap me. ...Maybe not slap me, actually, but, y'know, you can do...something, yeah, and I won't stop you."

Steven loves this movie, of course he does. He loves it so much that he could basically recite every single thing the narrator says, honestly! ...And yet, when they're almost through the whole of the documentary, just about twenty more minutes to go...

--Steven falls asleep, just like that. With them sitting next to each other, it's easy for him to slip further against her as eyes grow heavy and fall closed, a head coming to a rest on Layla's shoulder, accompanied by even, deep breaths.

No, he's not bored, not at all! If anything, he's having the time of his life here! But... well, this pillow fort is extremely cozy, it's nice and warm inside, so cuddly and soft, and those snacks have filled him up quite well, accompanied by a wonderful cup of tea...

So here he is, sleeping. Not snoring, no, but breathing gently, in and out, in a slow, steady rhythm.

[white-btterfly]

Thank you @viktorapologist for asking me to go to prison instead of hunting me down for that ending. Honestly, I'd probably be safer in there than out here with all the other readers coming for me!

Jayce is a starving man and Viktor is the a single cookie on a platter just out of reach. The way Jayce accepts that he's attracted to men and doesn't feel any shame about his desires is so refreshing. No reason to deny the obvious anymore, Jayce. Just let it happen. Just–just touch Viktor's curls, Jayce. Do it. Ignore the bad intrusive thoughts and let the good intrusive thoughts take over. (There's an alternate universe where Jayce's lack of willpower to rein in his desires gets himself into a friends-with-benefits situation with Viktor because they both refuse to communicate like proper adults)

Oof, that hurt. Rude. How dare you? Only I, the author, can hurt others with words! Jokes aside, this is an horrific alternate universe. I don't think Jayce would survive it. Having sex with Viktor while thinking Viktor doesn't love him back would break his heart. As said in this chapter (and others), Jayce is a romantic at heart. He wants more than sex. He wants a connection. Besides, that man is unable to lie or hide what he thinks. I don't think he would be able to pretend to only want a fwb relationship with Viktor for long.

It's so sad that Jayce thinks their dinner will be a chance to start over and get things back to normal. Oh honey, you've got a storm coming. Things will never be normal again if you take your best friend on a romantic dinner date. I see that the denial has just shifted to a different aspect of their relationship instead of Jayce's attraction.

This is Jayce's last attempt at trying to protect his friendship with Viktor, and also to protect himself from heartbreak. He knows exactly where he's heading now. He's onboard the Fall In Love With Viktor train, and it's rushing at full speed toward its destination. And he's trying to stop it with his bare hands. It's doomed to fail. But not trying would feel too much like losing Viktor, so he tries anyway.

Viktor touching Jayce's back. I SEE YOU VIKTOR. YOU SLY DOG. He's flirting so hard. And Jayce is so flustered! AH! They are so cute! And Jayce realizing that Viktor is going to get dressed up for their dinner and suddenly changing his plans? Oh my god. He's such a goner.

While Jayce suffers, Viktor is living his best life. Every little touch between them, Viktor does on purpose. He can't get enough of Jayce's reactions to them. He's addicted to them. They keep Viktor's hopes alive, while diminishing his symptoms. And it's such a joy to see Viktor act the way he would be if he didn't have Hanahaki to blind him. He knows Jayce likes him, and he's making a game out of seeing how red he can make him turn. This is how things should be.

Sometimes I come across lines that are just so in character, I just stare at them in awe. Like no one could have wrote that but you, but it's so true to the original material. Iconic.

Thank you!

Also, Jayce, calm the fuck down. Viktor would still love you if you showed up in the same Academy outfit you wear everyday.

True, but Jayce being in a sexy outfit made Viktor immensely happy. Same thing about seeing how Jayce's living room became a mess of clothes strewn around, proof that Jayce really wanted to wear something Viktor would like. They're so adorable, I can't.

Me saluting the lock of Jayce's hair that falls down in front of his forehead at the slightest provocation: thank you for your service.

Me, googling the name Jayce Talis and staring again at that small lock of hair: awww.

Jayce is hit with "an intense, irresistible urge" to kiss Viktor right after they meet up to head to dinner. I must disagree with Jayce on this one. We're off to an INCREDIBLE START. This is perfect! Even better than a classic rom-com movie.

Fun fact, I added the line "Not off to a good start" just a day before publishing this chapter. After I post a new chapter, I usually spend the following week editing the next one. I don't know if it's just me being a perfectionist or anything, but uploading the new chapter as a draft on AO3 really helps seeing if everything flows as I imagined. Being able to read it on my phone like a reader would makes it so much easier to spot little things to tweak. It lets me see the chapter with fresh eyes.

Viktor is reading him like a book too. He's flirting and watching the way Jayce gets extraordinarily happy each time. After so many chapters of Viktor in pain, we finally get to see Viktor enjoying himself. He's having fun teasing Jayce and making him flustered. Viktor is letting his guard down a bit. It's so sweet. This is why the fandom thinks Viktor is so attractive. He's got such a charming personality when he's around someone he trusts.

Oooh, yes. Exactly as I said before. This is how Viktor would be without Hanahaki whispering nasty things in his ear. He likes to tease Jayce. He knows Jayce likes him. It seems obvious, then, that Viktor would love to flirt with Jayce and make him flustered. As things should be.

(And I love how you talk about BYSS!Viktor as the Viktor... the canon one. Like I got him right, you know. It always makes me so happy!)

"Well, I am the Man of Tomorrow. Not the man of three weeks from now." I'm cackling! Why are all of the jokes so funny to me? God damn it. That one is so corny but I love it anyway.

Thank you. 😂 Viktor agrees.

And they talk about their childhoods at dinner! Bonding! Learning more about each other's pasts and using it as an excuse to express fondness? Ugh, it's so cute I can't. And as I was reading this the first time, I just excused all of Jayce's moments where his throat bothered him as him just being nervous about being on a first date. Which I'm sure was a tactical choice. Distract the reader with cute shit so they won't realize until it's too late that Jayce is FUCKING ILL.

Pleading guilty. 🥲 I thought everyone knew by that point that Jayce was sick (and yet I still managed to take some readers by surprise!) So I went all in with the nasty voice. And Jayce's Hanahaki is so mean compared to Viktor's. It's been really fun to write.

Sharing a tart. Just put me out of my misery. I need someone to draw them sharing dessert, leaning close to each other across the table, with warm candlelight and all that romantic table setting stuff. I'll hang it on my wall.

I would kill for any BYSS fanart! 🙏🙏🙏

Jayce blurting out his inner thoughts is the most useful plot device ever. No matter what happens, I can always count on Jayce to say some unhinged loverboy nonsense with his whole chest.

Jayce, complimenting Viktor's appearance every two minutes: that's what bros do!

Jayce, inviting a man up to your apartment on a first date? Scandalous!

He was so convinced it wasn't a date that he went all in and asked Viktor for some 'science and chill'.

(That's the second time I made this joke... It still makes me laugh.)

Oh my god, when they start playing the drinking game, I was so excited. I love little games that force the characters to admit personal things to each other. It's one of my favorite tropes to use and read about. It always reminds me of late nights with my friends, where it became a no-judgment zone where people admitted the deepest things (or dared each other to do stupid shit).

Drunken confessions are my favorites too. Nothing like two intoxicated idiots in love opening up to each other, asking questions they've been too scared to ask sober.

Jayce, don't just offer favors like that. That's dangerous. >:)

I love how we're all in agreement that Jayce had absolutely zero chance of wining against Viktor.

Viktor learning that Jayce only wants to be intimate with someone that he wants a serious relationship with! Hopeless romantic alert! Partners! Partners in all things!

I know, right? Also, now that I think about it, this chapter also shows a fundamental difference between Jayce and Viktor, which is that Jayce gets flustered about sex (as showed when they talked about masturbation), while Viktor gets flustered about love (as showed when Jayce asked him what Viktor liked about the man he loves.)

I love that they're using this opportunity to ask each other about previous relationships. That's so typical. They're both trying to test the waters. Could he possibly be attracted to me? Would I fit the description of his ideal partner? Is he feeling the same things I'm feeling? Just kiss already, you dolts. You've already almost done it twice.

They are literally saying that the other would be their ideal partner! What happened to them with their previous partner shaped them into being the perfect person for the other. Viktor I'm sorry you got cheated on. You deserve a loyal, devoted man like Jayce, who will spend the rest of his life making you as happy as one can be. Jayce, I'm sorry your girlfriend never supported you. You deserve a kind, supportive man like Viktor, who believed in you almost as soon as he met you, and who would do anything to see you realize your dreams.

They are MADE for each other! *screams*

Oh no, they're sitting there, answering deep questions and now their knees are touching? Shit is getting real. And then Viktor fucking flirts with Jayce and touches his little finger to Jayce's??? WHAT THE HELL??? @white-btterfly you go straight to jail, right now.

B-b-but why? I did nothing wrong! Since when is psychologically torturing readers a crime?

They slowly come to realize that from their failed past relationships, they're both looking something in particular...that just happens to be the person right in front of them. Of course. Of fucking course. This whole chapter is so romantic, I'm in shock. I should have known that I would be smacked in the face with SADNESS at the end because the rest of the chapter was too good to be true.

Yeah, sorry about the sadness. (Not really.)

(Thank you for making Viktor a switch. That man contains multitudes.)

I am a jayvik switch truther. I firmly believe that Jayce and Viktor love each other in all timelines, all possibilities, and all positions.

Okay okay obviously I've been reading the chapters as they come out, so I've already witnessed Jayce's epiphany about Viktor's feelings for him. But like, when is Jayce going to think back to their drunken confessions and realize that Viktor was getting off to the thought of Jayce? And admitted it with no embarrassment. I feel like Jayce had the whole romantic revelation, but I hope he has another revelation about how much Viktor has been yearning for him. They have a lot of things to express to each other lmao it's going to put me into a coma.

You're in luck, that part of the discussion will come up again in a future chapter! 😂❤️

I love that each time Viktor thinks he's crossed a line or misinterpreted something, Jayce jumps in with some poorly phrased admission of vulnerability that saves the conversation. There's no chance for Viktor to retreat into his shell. Jayce wants that connection and refuses to pull away, even though the voice in his head is getting louder and louder, denying that it means anything.

Jayce coming out as bisexual was the one thing that nearly cured Viktor's Hanahaki. Imagine being convinced for years that your best friend, the man you're in love with, is straight, and that you'll never have a chance. You bury those feelings, try to move on, try to live with the ache of being near him while knowing you'll never have him. Then you start noticing signs that give you hope... And then one day, after he confesses to you that he is attracted to men! Oh, joy! Hanahaki could do nothing against that.

Everyone's favorite trope, when one character describes the person they love in a specific but indirect way to while the person they love is sitting right across from them, not 100% sure it's them but hoping it's them anyway. Viktor is so fucking romantic, I'm going to cry. They deserve each other!!! And how Jayce fills in the pauses of Viktor's narration with his own admiration of Viktor. I am DECEASED.

My favorite part of the chapter. The one people had been waiting for a long time, apart from the confession chapter. Even now, when I read this moment, I feel so moved by it. Jayce fully acknowledged his feelings, and for one moment, he felt like he had found his real place in the universe.

(For one moment only...)

Viktor gives Jayce everything he needs to figure out the truth, in the end. But Jayce is too lost in the sauce (and manipulated by the cursed demon Hanahaki) to realize it. It's so sad, because Viktor had such a good time and thinks everything will be okay. He got all of the right signals from Jayce. Jayce admitted he's attracted to men, responded positively to all of Viktor's flirtations, and invited him up to have drinks in his apartment after a successful first date. What more could a man want?

The difference in vibes between them after that night is so jarring. Viktor left thinking he had the best evening of his life, thinking about his beloved all night (and possibly pleasuring himself while thinking about Jayce while he's at it.) Jayce, however, spent the entire night in a state of absolute devastation, coughing up moonblossoms again and again. Crushing.

Jayce shuts the door and hacks up an entire flower. The poor man. Say it with me, folks. Viktor fell first, but Jayce fell HARDER.

I think that's a tag I will add to the story once I'm done publishing. Many readers have been saying this!

I can't wait for the flowers to relinquish their hold on these two so that they can get the first kiss that they deserve.

How does it feel to be right? 😊

Before Your Sun Sets - Chapter 11 is available!

Viktor is sick with Hanahaki. Jayce would do anything to save him—whether it be by developing an impossible cure or trying to find out who Viktor is in love with to smack some sense into them. Little does he know, he’s chasing his own shadow.

Read chapter 11 now

Read from the beginning

[geddy-leesbian]

I'm realizing I barely make any edits/shit posts for other people like I used to. there was a point where I was making shit for people unprompted at least several times a week and now I can't even remember the last thing I made specifically for anyone else. it kinda makes me sad but also I don't think anyone really cared at all about my stupid little edits in the first place and also it was just starting to suck for me. I can give and give and give and spontaneously want to make things for other people, for their fics or just silly discord messages, because they inspired me

and then none of my effort is reciprocated. my folder for stuff I've made for other people has like 60 pics (and I recently deleted a lot of the large files from the foldee to free up space on my phone, it had a lot more) and there's only 9 pics people have made for me. I don't want to sound ungrateful or entitled but I've really just lost the urge to make stuff for other people when I know it's always going to be a one-sided thing. I don't think anyone's ever made anything for me unprompted really, 95% sure everything in my stuff from friends folder was requested or for my birthday or one of my previous mental breakdowns, not any random out of the blue "I loved your fic/concept and wanted to make something" like I've done for other people on so many occasions

so it's like yeah I'm tired and having a selfish arc all I want to do is make stuff for my own fics and AU's because the only person who gets inspiration from them is me and I just gotta accept that and appreciate that at least I can make cool self indulgent stuff for myself. like sorry but I don't care how much I love your fic I'm not spending hours making a cool edit to show my appreciation when what will happen when I post the edit is a million people reblog it also praising your fic and it'll get more attention than any of my fic posts. if I'm not going to get similar energy from you I don't want to spend my time and effort. like at this point I can only see myself making an edit for a fic I like by an author who consistently comments on my fics too. I don't want anything straight up transactional (like a deal that I'll make something for X comments or whatever) but I just don't want to spend hours doing things for people that don't care and wouldn't spend any amount of their own time on anything for me, I need to feel like you care about me at least a little

so I'm just going to focus on edits for my fics because I'm the only one who will ever care enough to make things. it could definitely be worse, I can't draw for shit but at least I came to the RE fandom with many years of gimp and picsart experience from doing RP promo edits so I can make SOMETHING visual to go with my fics. I'd probably actually lose my mind if I didn't have that going for me

[onlykiwi]

Ashton posting kpop fans doing a dance cover of sticker on his insta story MY CROSSOVERRRR